So I have a huge problem in my life right now. And when I say problem, I don’t just mean some little annoyance or something that’s not a big deal. I mean to say that I have a massive, all-consuming, apocalyptic problem in my life that I cannot sleep while trying to solve. The problem that I am talking about, of course, is the problem of clothes shopping in 2021. I mean, how am I supposed to look like a snack and a half everyday of the week if I can’t properly shop for the hottest new thrift finds as well as the latest trends that are sweeping the nation all over TikTok and other social media websites. I know that my problems may not sound like a huge deal to you, but I promise that what I am going through right now is bigger than anything you have ever faced. In fact, I would venture to say that you have never experienced the same level of emotional grief and depression that I am currently going through.
I have always been super into clothes shopping. In fact, basically the only reason that I currently have a job is so that I can afford to pay for my all-encompassing shopping addiction. Now I have had to face a variety of problems over the last couple years, the biggest one of course being rising gas prices. JUST KIDDING. It’s the COVID19 pandemic that has been metaphorically slapping me around for the past year. I am so completely sick of this pandemic that I cannot properly describe it in words – and if I could, well, it would not be appropriate to write about in an article like this.
The biggest problem with the pandemic is not that there are people dying whatever; rather, the biggest problem is that in-store shopping closed down almost anywhere you could shop for clothes. Do you know how hard it is to go shopping in a store and not being able to touch anything, or especially try anything on? Stores started to do this thing where you had to just buy an item and take it home if you wanted to try it on. But this became super annoying to me because I would buy things that I couldn’t try on in the store, get home to try them on, and find out that I actually despised that piece of clothing this whole time. Then I have to put the clothes bag in their bags, drive all the way back to the store, and go through the trouble of returning them.
Before you say it: yes, I have tried online shopping for clothes. But honestly, it’s basically the same thing as shopping in stores right now, because you can’t try anything on when you buy online. And what makes online shopping worse is that you can’t even feel the clothing to see if you like what it’s made out of and all that. Oh, and they always send you clothes in poly bags. This is okay at first, but I start to feel bad with the amount of poly bags I’m going through because I know they are not the best thing for the environment. Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED talk.